Saturday, December 1, 2001 11:23 a.m.

hey, my shifting pain is back on the left~!! only higher up than before~!!
also, ever since i went swimming my right ear feels stuffy . . . or is it my left? i think it shifts too.
i'm falling apart . this is not quite how i visualized my breakdown. i was leaning more towards visions telling me to kill all who oppose me. instead i get shifty pains.
well that sucks. i want my visions T_T

smeg~!!! what have you done to my precious puppy?? why must you torture him so??

Friday, November 30, 2001 05:45 p.m.

we almost managed a free monday. but then our co-tutor quit and the replacement can only do mondays and thursdays. well, it was nice while it lasted . . . soooo . . . it was nice for a week .

one group member was all bitter that he had to drive in from wherever just for the one thing. the rest of us are like, buddy, you're in med school . nobody promised you a 3-day weekend, get over it .
my group is working out better than expected actually. i think we have good dynamics. whatever that means. but it's more fun that last unit's.

i'm bitter because yesterday's ER was a rerun. don't these people know i wait all week for this??? such cruelty . . .

good enough entry for you, esca? i'd write more, only i'm paralysed . . . with pain stemming from lack of inu-yasha pic T_T

Wednesday, November 28, 2001 09:30 p.m.

right shoulder hurts now~!! waaahhh T_T
my *left* shoulder was hurting, so yesterday i took a muscle relaxant . but i thought i should try a more natural remedy so today i went to the pool and sauna. and the pain left.
and came back on the other side. DAMN~!!! bring on the drugs~!!!!

had elective in traditional chinese med. chi, yin & yang. it sounds all complicated. we'll learn about acupuncture in the next few weeks. i like acupuncture ^___^

unit 2 is much harder but not as complicated schedule-wise as i originally thought . my new group seems ok although they're not as efficient as i'd like.
i should have time left . unless i take a family practice elective.
i think i'll take it .
then i can have a breakdown and a nice looong rest ^___^;;;

Monday, November 26, 2001 10:56 p.m.

meta, you lucky bitch~!!!! you live with a sugarglider~?!?!?!
*dies of envy*

got a haircut today. and coloured it a dark red. at a hairstyling school , so it was dirt cheap ^___^ but they make you sign a release saying you realize it's a school and give up all whining rights if they screw up horribly =__=
eheh. tomorrow i meet my new group's new tutor.

Monday, November 26, 2001 12:27 a.m.

happy birthday, meta~!!!!!
*whew* waited til past midnight to post this. it's properly monday now, and i'm tired ^^;;;
anyhow, have a great day. go out and get drunk~!!!

ferret . i wanna buy a ferret .
well, i want the sugargliders more, but with all those army rules and the fact that bases generally don't allow exotics, and upon realization that my parents probably won't be able to take care of them when i'm away . . . i'm reconsidering the ferret question.
anyone have any good ferret names?

Sunday, November 25, 2001 04:25 p.m.

hi esca~!!! sorry for being away from home and not blogging . . . but i did call you. and stuck my parents with the phone bill . so all is good, ne?

i *did* misread my parents' situation. as it turns out, it's much worse that i thought . mom says she realized my father was infantile before we were even born, but decided to fight and raise him up to her level . never did succeed. we actually discussed the possibility that he has some kind of mental defect . . . possibly not bad enough to be classifiable, but he doesn't seem to exist in the real world. there's a complete refusal to face even the most basic responsibilities.
mom and i talked about how nice it were if he moved back to poland and she could just live in peace. it's sad and depressing and i'm glad to be here, taping reboot movies for shell , instead of trying to make him face a reality which he never did and most likely never will face.

i'm not really much help because i'm not a fraction as selfless as mom, and my response is to urge her to leave. i know she won't leave him just as he may be facing a third back surgery, and talking about why she stayed so long is stupid, because it was in large part for me and the boy.
i don't really know what else to say. mom vented the whole drive here and i'm glad to at least be there for her in that way. i don't really want to think about it at all . i'll probably be watching tv all day to distract myself.

Friday, November 23, 2001 05:09 p.m.

vaguely bored today.
tomorrow i'm going to visit my parents (i won't say going home. this is home^__^). my father's being an idiot as usual and we'll need to gang up on him and *try* against all odds to get him to see the truth . . . that being that he's an idiot . funny . . . if he were just a bit more mature and self-reliant i think my mom would probably leave him without worrying that he'll fall apart totally. but i may be reading the situation wrong. i don't know.

i'm watching the iron chef marathon ^___^ it's very entertaining.

the army emailed me a 40+ page doc about all the rules i must follow. apparently i can't even go rock-climbing without authorization ^__^;;;;
guess they don't want their "property" damaged. heh . . .

Thursday, November 22, 2001 02:41 p.m.

unit 1 is officially over (except for the class i'm skipping tomorrow)~!!!! we did evals, they were good, all is as it should be. rejoice rejoice ^___^

i wanted to go to poland for a month in the summer and learn from a cardiologist , but the army just scrapped that T_T i'm not allowed. not even to the states. because "there are enough resources in canada". that is so *completely* beside the point~!!!! idiots.
i was supposed to get some sort of package and info about it all , but i never did.
and the pure utter evil of FRENCH has come back to bite me on the ass. i will have to complete language training at some point T_T hopefully quebec will separate before then . . .

congrats on your new layout, esca. i was wondering how long you could resist not archiving ^__=
bought watercolor paper today . . . finally. now ready to paint crap and send it off to you ^__^;;;

Wednesday, November 21, 2001 01:07 a.m.

fishy came today~!! and she brought el hazard~!! fishy rocks ^___^

had lunch with my advisor. we agreed i'm doing well . then he paid. good happy lunch.
and the freaky hated comms skills are over~!! no more taping me from behind one-way mirrors. *whew*
i see their purpose, and i will go so far as to say they have helped me, but that doesn't begin to make up for the freakiness of taping me through one-way mirrors.

i feel your pain, meta. i had horribly messy housemates in undergrad. it got to the point where i was *throwing out* their dishes - AND THEY NEVER NOTICED~!!!

i burned my finger on food. mildly. so i stuck it into my drink to cool it off, and after i took it out it hurt more for a while. just like esca said hers did. i did it again, and the same - and again i'm reminded of esca.
i wonder - can i train myself to associate pain with her??? and would there be a point to trying???

Monday, November 19, 2001 10:59 p.m.

went to see harry potter movie today. it was very good. i didn't read the book , but i can sorta see from the movie that it would be excellent - the movie necessarily focused on action sequences , which are not prime chara-development venues ^___^*
it is *not* , however, the greatest movie ever. that title belongs , once and for all eternity, to "grosse pointe blank".
so there~!!!!

esca, i have found *the* career for you. we were in radiology looking at x-rays and stuff from our tutor's cases, and this followed :
classmate - so if you interpret all this, what are radiologists good for?
tutor - making tons of money and sleeping all day.

well?? sounds like something you'd like, ne???

got a letter from mike "the librarian" today. he's in england to teach for a year. recently came here for vacation, and returned to find his class rowdier than ever. he wrote he'd have to "re-squash" them ^___^
teachers who wanna squash students rock . go librarian~!!!

Monday, November 19, 2001 11:37 a.m.

wheee~!!!! i'm rabies too~!! hey esca, let's party together . . . in some forest . . . with foxes in it . . . near human habitation~!!!
mmm . . . foxes . . .

meta dear, i'm not an expert , but . . . wasn't the downfall of caesar a knife in the back~??

bored. class finished. can't bring myself to leave here . . . so very lazy ^___^

Sunday, November 18, 2001 12:50 p.m.

eheh . . . i continue doing *nothing* this weekend~!!!

stayed up to see the leonid shower. saw just a few meteors. sky was cloudy and there were lights on. stupid lights.
still . . . it was better than last year, when i made watching the shower one of my programs as a rez assistant . our group saw NOTHING~!! not a single one. so we sat around and told stories about how meteors were explained in different cultures. some culture, i don't remember which, thought they were the flaming urine of the gods . . .

esca , drugs are your friends!!! always remember that~!!!!

Saturday, November 17, 2001 12:07 a.m.

went to a dinner party with my tutorial group. one of the members invited us to her (parents') place for traditional indian food. it was *really* good. and the desserts are so sweet . . . and sooo filling . . . and i ate WAY too much ^___^
she gave us all leftovers to bring home. i have homemade indian leftovers. i'm happy ^__^

we basically finished our unit 1 tutorial problems, so i don't have to prepare anything for monday. which means i really have nothing to do this weekend. you hear that, esca~??? NOTHING~!!!!! kakakakakakakaka~!!!!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2001 05:29 p.m.

teratomas are funny ^___^
a couple weeks ago in path we saw an ovary with a teratoma. the ovary basically had a tiny colon and some hair growing inside it . so today we're waiting to do clinical exams, and get to talking about teratomas :
meagan - i don't know how pathologists do it . . . if i was working alone in some lab and i sliced open an ovary and a hand popped out , i would be upset . . .
orli - or teeth . it could have teeth.
ockie - on palpation, the spleen bit me . . .
asha - how do you know *you're* not inside an ovary?

i feel good . we're developing the geeky doctory sense of humor ^___^

Wednesday, November 14, 2001 09:38 p.m.

i don't have enough pressure at school . i'm totally serious. i do *great* under pressure, but this whole mac thing has no pressure. yesterday we wrote our 1st and *only* test for this unit , and it won't even really be counted on the unit eval .
i have no incentive to study here. i want my highly motivating fear of failure back .

fishie was supposed to come, but her mother had car problemsT_T a week without fishie is a week . . .with lots of email between fishie and me^__^

i had a plan . . . a wonderful plan to go away with esca during vacation. . .then mom interfered. and so. . .the boy and the she are coming too... and i'm paying for them both. . .WHY AM I PAYING FOR THEM???
well, maybe we'll ditch them somewhere among the frenchspeakers. . .they'll be lost forever. . .forced to subsist entirely on wine and poutine. . .

Tuesday, November 13, 2001 01:28 a.m.

guuuhhh...procrastinating in a major way.
test tomorrow. i suck .

also did colorgenics thing... a lot of it is eerily accurate. considered not posting this at all :

"You seem to be trying to sweep aside the situations and maybe the people that you feel are standing in your way. You are impulsive and apt to follow these impulses seeking to be involved in special or exciting happenings. In this way you hope to deaden the intensity of your conflicts, but your impulsive behaviour is leading you to take some unnecessary risks ... back down a little and remember "more haste - less speed".

You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions.

You are a demanding egocentric and therefore quick to take offence. This attitude makes people feel somewhat inadequate when in your company ... and so it is no wonder that at times you feel alone .. and unwanted..

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity... and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are.. but no.. you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself make you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest ... beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

You really like doing what you do and more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that "If its not fun - then don't do it" You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but , for what you are.. and it seems to be working.."

i *really* *really* should study now...actually since it's past midnight test is today...and still i'm on the computer.
*must* *turn* *evil* *device* *OFF*~!!!!!

Saturday, November 10, 2001 12:09 a.m.

slept a lot today. rearranged stuff on shelves. threw out cardboard boxes.
my mom's coming on sun. i'm happy she's coming alone. we'll be able to talk . dad would just whine.
*sigh* i feel disloyal . i shouldn't . it's true.

and thanks to esca for the new layout . i swear, any year now i'll be making my own^__~